What does a person do when they’re own mother loathes them. A very dear friend of mine –who shall remain nameless because he has a delusional sister that may kill him for writing this—has such a mom. But for the sake of cogency, I will choose a random name that in no way relates to anyone in real life. I’ll give him the name Fred. To all you Freds out there, this is not you. Fred’s story is both heartbreaking and inspirational, because he has gotten professional help to face all the neglect and abuse he suffered through as a child, and has become successful. Fred was born into a dysfunctional family, where the father was alcoholic and the mother was narcissistic. Now, it must be made clear that Fred was not the only one in his family who suffered and was injured physically, mentally and emotionally. He was the only one who sought professional and spiritual help to overcome the debilitating effects of his dysfunctional family, particularly his mom.
Although, you might say that Fred’s recovery is a miracle, his family shows contempt because Fred doesn’t live the lie anymore. Fred has a younger brother who has always been a momma’s boy. Fred would get beat for the lies that his brother told about him. Fred’s mom would use shoes to hit Fred in the head. And that, I’m sure would hurt any 4 to 13 year old. Fred’s mom would call him stupid and moron, to name only two of the many names he was called. As a young boy, around seven years old, Fred’s mother pushed him away and said that she could no longer comfort him. This caused Fred to be angry at the world. But as with many abused and neglected children, nobody would listen to Fred’s account of his family. Sadly, this is usually the case with tormented, abused and neglected children; no one wants to believe them.
Now as adults, it is only Fred and maybe a couple of his brothers who seem to be well. The rest are as sick as their secrets. Fred’s younger brother has grown fat and lazy, and is still a momma’s boy. His sister has grown ever more delusional and suffers from misplaced adolescent rebellion. In other words, because she didn’t act out when it was appropriate, she does so as an old lady; not a pretty picture. His mother, who is up there in years, simply doesn’t return Fred’s phone calls and ignores him. Fred has grown to accept this sick behavior from some of his family. The difference is that today Fred can name it without fear that his mom will bash him over the head with her shoe.
The most important lesson I got from Fred is that he prays for all of them. He sincerely loves them, but he knows that they cannot return love to him. Fred knows the horror of what it was like to live in this family, so he seeks forgiveness. Fred’s example of seeking God’s will in all of this is so inspiring. He truly is my hero. He told me that his sister said that she would pray for him, he hopes that she will. This is the way to heal the trauma of living in this family. Today, Fred is a leader in his community. He understands the young adults that have been brutalized by sick parents. Fred helps these young people become healthy adults. Even though Fred has recovered, his family, for the most part, remains sick. This remains heartbreak for Fred.